Episode 54: Am I Normal? Talking about Sex: A conversation with Megan Torrey-Payne

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Sex is a difficult topic for most of us to discuss.  What we like, what we don’t like, where the edges of our boundaries are, what is normal and what isn’t, what our children need to know and when… And yet, it is such an all-encompassing thing in what it means to be human, it has roots and ties in nearly every facet of our existence.  Ultimately, what we all secretly want to know is, “Am I normal?”

Our fears, discomfort and shame around sex aren’t entirely our faults.  Had we all been raised receiving different messages around sex, we’d be having very different conversations today than we are now.  And yet, here we are, trying our best to navigate a landscape rife with the ripples of Harvey Weinstein and Aziz Ansari, #metoo testimonials, rape culture, sexual harassment scandals, consent and victim blaming.  It’s no wonder we struggle to know how to educate our own children about sex or quietly tolerate discontentment and shame in our own bedrooms.  This week, Rebecca talks with sex therapist, Megan Torrey-Payne to make sense of how we got here and how we can shift the conversation to move forward.  And it all comes down to a willingness to have uncomfortable conversations and to be OK in the grey.

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Quoted in the Episode:

“We need to remind ourselves it’s OK to be uncomfortable.  I don’t need to have all the answers.  And it’s OK to give mixed messages.”   - Megan Torrey-Payne


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“If we teach kids that sex should feel good, then they will have more of a voice to say ‘you know what, this doesn't feel good. This doesn’t feel right.’  But we teach kids that sex is just something you do. Then, when they find themselves in situations that are not pleasurable, they say ‘well, maybe this is just the way it is.‘“  - Megan Torrey-Payne


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“I wonder what would happen if we all gave ourselves permission to become aware of those internal compasses about what fits and what doesn't. Maybe this binary scale doesn't work for any of us.”  - Rebecca Wong


Resources Referenced in this Episode:

Megan’s Resources page featuring recommended books and websites for adults and children.


Where to find Megan:




If you're interested in working with Rebecca Wong, you can find out more about her services here:

1. If you're in New York and would like to schedule a relationship therapy session start here: https://connectfulness.com/therapy/

2. If you're a therapist and are interested in mentorship with Rebecca, find out more about services offered here: https://www.practiceofbeingseen.com/work-with-rebecca/

3. To learn more about Rebecca’s Private Couples Intensive Retreats, start here: https://connectfulness.com/intensive-private-retreat/

4. And if you want to dive in deeply into building conscious relationship with your beloved consider sharing an experiential gift of deeper connection and intimacy over valentines in our Divine Mirrors: A Valentine’s Couples Retreat Rebecca is co-facilitating at Menla.



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