Episode 55: Owning your Shit in Love: A conversation with Shane Birkel

POBS season 2 - ep 55.png

Couples come to therapy for a myriad of reasons. But often, the real reason why they’re showing up is the thing hidden underneath their reasons.  The solution is nearly always found in holding a magnifying lens up in those moments of conflict and, as this week’s guest Shake Birkel says, “owning our shit”. Suddenly, “Why is he/she doing this to me?” shifts into an opportunity to sit with our emotions and recalibrate our connections.

Shane Birkel, a therapist and fellow podcaster, is no stranger to these magnifying glass moments.  Together, we discuss the ways raising kids can shift a relationship in positive ways, the lessons we get from failure, the differences in what men want in a relationship and what women want from the same, and the palpable ripple effects of the #metoo movement in our work with couples and intimacy.


POBScast Ep 55 Shane Birkel Quote1.png


Quoted in the Episode:

“We don’t have the conversations that come up in couples therapy in our day-to-day lives.  We have to be very intentional about setting up space for that.”  - Shane Birkel


POBScast Ep 55 Shane Birkel Quote2.png

“Couples put so much pressure on perfection and on not trying hard enough.  And such an important part of the work of owning your own stuff is also building a healthy self-esteem that comes from within you.  That I feel confident in myself as a human being, that my partner can act like a jerk and I know that it doesn’t have to do with me. They still love and care about me and we don’t have to do this perfectly every single time.” - Shane Birkel


POBScast Ep55 Rebecca Wong Quote.png

“Vulnerability has such different meanings for men and women.  For women, it’s a connection point.  For men, it’s often veiled in fear and the possibility of rejection. And I think as we’re opening up these conversations and saying to couples, ‘The antidote here is to become more vulnerable’, we have to understand that the very prescription has different meanings for people who are enculturated in different ways.”  - Rebecca Wong



Resources Referenced in this Episode:

Terry Real’s RLT Training


Where to find Shane:



Facebook Page

Facebook Group



If you're interested in working with Rebecca Wong, you can find out more about her services here:

1. If you're in New York and would like to schedule a relationship therapy session start here: https://connectfulness.com/therapy/

2. If you're a therapist and are interested in mentorship with Rebecca, find out more about services offered here: https://www.practiceofbeingseen.com/work-with-rebecca/

3. To learn more about Rebecca’s Private Couples Intensive Retreats, start here: https://connectfulness.com/intensive-private-retreat/


To join the #POBScast Community practiceofbeingseen.com/community

For more information and resources, visit the website at practiceofbeingseen.com.

To join the conversation on social media, use the hashtag #POBScast.

You can find us on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

If you have questions or inquiries, email us at practiceofbeingseen@gmail.com